By Ronald
Hey, habits, even bad ones, take time to perfect. You don't just pick them up overnight. So the fact that you've had more than your fair share of sex in this life, while undoubtedly a great source of pride to you, probably means that over the years you've developed a few bad habits -- maybe learned to cut a few corners here and there in the bedroom. Happens to the best. Show us a gorgeous woman and we'll show you a man who's making love to her on autopilot at least once in a while.
The problem here is that women, under the misguided impression that we men have delicate egos, are not always inclined to point out ways we can improve our lovemaking. So the bad habits endure. Replacing your bad sexual habits with some of the better ones here will result in a much happier and more satisfied partner, which, being the selfless sort that you are, is the only thing that really interests you. We should mention, in passing, that it could also result in bedpost-rattling, plaster-loosening, forget-your-own-name, animalistic fun for you, too. In case you're interested.
Habit #1: Be handy, man
When it comes to using your hands to get her worked up, you can't afford to be all thumbs, at least according to the book The Guide to Getting It On! So next time your fingers are doing their love thing, make sure you...
Get them in the right position
When a woman masturbates, she often rests her wrist on her lower abdomen just above the pubic bone. If this is what your partner does, try to do the same, since it will influence the way your fingers feel on her vulva. Try lying parallel to your partner and reaching your arm over her body until your fingers can reach her crotch. This allows your fingers to approach from the same angle that her own fingers do.
Wait for it to come to you
Great lovers know to start with light, gentle caresses that barely touch the inner thighs and pubic hair. Don't go any further until she spreads her legs and/or her pelvis begins to arch upward. Then tease and caress until the lips of her vulva invite your fingers inside.
Flick your wrist
Men typically use only one finger when they get down around the action zone. When your lover does herself, however, she gets her entire wrist into the motion, even if only one finger is actually touching her vulva. This is a subtle and important detail that the great ones all know.
Habit #2: Stay in training
"A man can learn a lot about being a better lover through masturbation -- even if he has a regular partner," says Peter Sandor Gardos, Ph.D., a San Francisco clinical sexologist. "One of men's biggest concerns during sex is that they'll come too soon. Regular masturbation is the perfect way to learn to recognize the signs that you're getting close to orgasm." Here's how to get the most out of Solo Orgasm 101.
Slow down
"The fear of being found out motivates boys to learn to masturbate to orgasm as quickly as possible," says Patricia Love, Ed.D., a marriage and family therapist in Houston and author of Hot Monogamy. The trouble is, these quickies condition your sexual responses in such a way that you end up climaxing much faster than you'd like to with a partner. An occasional lightning orgasm is okay, but try to set aside some time when you can relax and masturbate for 20 minutes or so.
Lighten up
Another danger of high-speed wanking is that a jackhammer stroke creates sensations that can't be reproduced when you're not the only one in the room. "Some men get so used to the hard, fast strokes that they have trouble climaxing with a partner," says Barbara Keesling, Ph.D., a sex therapist and author of Super Sexual Orgasm. To master a new stroke, try switching hands, which will make you very conscious of every move you make and defeat any "automatic" movements.
Habit #3: Broaden your horizons
An effective lover knows there's more to sex than intercourse. "He doesn't simply grab a woman's breasts and then dive for her crotch," says Robert Birch, Ph.D., a marital and sex therapist in Columbus, Ohio. Instead, he "sees intercourse as one of many options." Our sex therapists mentioned many possibilities, from using sex toys to rubbing your penis on different parts of your partner's body, to watching her masturbate. "The essential attitude -- especially in a long-term relationship -- is that nothing in particular has to happen during any sex act," says Constance Avery-Clark, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Coral Springs, Florida.
Habit #4: Float like a butterfly
They may not want to admit it, but women like receiving oral sex as much as we do. If you've already figured out how to make your partner hear colors, we salute you. But if you could use a bit more time in the lab, try this technique: It's the fabled Venus butterfly, described for us here by Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist in Los Angeles:
Spend some time kissing and touching until your partner starts to become aroused, then gently pull back the hood of her clitoris. Stimulate the clitoris with short, then long strokes, with either your tongue or your moistened fingers. Ask your partner to tell you when she's reached at least "8" on an excitement scale of 1 to 10.
Then, with small, circular motions, stimulate the entire outside area of the vagina with your tongue and your fingers until she's back down to "5." Now, go back to the clitoris. When she reaches "8" again, place the palm of your hand against her genitals and slide one finger into her vagina. With your fingertip, tap a spot about 2 inches inside her vagina, on the upper wall. (Home of the elusive G-spot -- some women have it and some don't, but either way, this will feel good.) Now, just keep stroking or licking her clitoris while tapping her G-spot. She'll let you know when it's time to stop.
Habit #5: Keep her waiting
Teasing doesn't come naturally to most men, but it can be very appealing to women. Why rush the greatest thing in life? Instead, enjoy it more...
Take 10 times longer
The stereotypical guy watches his mate undress and then pounces on her like a linebacker on a loose ball. He grabs hold of her breasts and works them like pizza dough, and soon she's bored out of her mind. So, if you want to make a big impression, surprise her with your slowness. The key: Build steadily and specifically to a nipple crescendo for her, says Linda DeVillers, Ph.D., author of Love Skills. Start at the outermost rim of the nipple and slowly spin inward. As your finger travels, you should notice the rim around her nipple (the areola) darken and the nipple itself stiffen. Place a finger on each side of the nipple and push down lightly, pulling your fingers apart as you go. Making the nipple taut (and ready!) in this way will heighten the sensation for her when you start to lick and tickle it a few moments later.
Start early in the day
"Call your lover at work and tell her what you'd like to do to her tonight when she gets home," suggests Gardos. You'll both be thinking about sex for hours.
Habit #6: Catch her off guard
You may have magic hands, but if you make love the same way, time after time, sooner or later she's going to find it as exciting as a rerun of This Old House. "When a woman anticipates every move a man is going to make," says John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, "she may no longer become excited by sex -- and this is very common." Here's how to make a few bedroom improvements:
Try new positions
"My number-one advice for men is: Change your sexual positions frequently," says Cadell. "Her orgasm will feel different in every position, and she'll be grateful for your creativity."
Get away from it all
"Changing the environment is very important for a woman," says Gray. "If you can't afford a hotel, camp out. It's not the location so much as the feeling that she doesn't have to worry about the details, that you're doing the thinking. That gets her out of her mind and into her body."
Habit #7: Play at the pump
While you're trying all those new positions and varied positions (woohoo!), don't forget about the most basic technique of intercourse: the thrusting of your penis. "Monotonous pumping can have a numbing effect on the woman, especially if she's not aroused enough to respond to intense sensation," says Felice Dunas, Ph.D., author of Passion Play. Variations in the depth, speed, rhythm and timing of your pelvic thrusts can dramatically enhance the experience for both of you. Dunas suggests starting with mostly shallow, slow thrusts; as your partner becomes more aroused, mix in a higher percentage of deeper thrusts. To really keep her on her toes, try some brief pauses between thrusts.
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