Though we are different we share our love everyday

Sometimes, the beginning of any relationship can be rocky. But with Valentine just a few days away, one can still make use of this unique time and strengthen the bond with their beloved.
We talked to couples from different races to know what the secret ingredient is for a lasting union.

Shiwani Nilesh Barmeda, 28 and Nilesh Khinji Barmeda, 45
This Indian couple living in Dar es Salaam met through an arranged marriage in 2004. But the couple who are on their second marriage with a child each proved that indeed second chances exist and even pre-planned unions do find love.
It was after his divorce that Nilesh Barmeda, embarked on a new search for a wife.

“I was lonely and tired of searching, so, I opted for an arranged marriage. I was ready to accept any woman who would come first and fortunately I got Shiwani.  She is a perfect wife and today I am the happiest man on earth,” he says.
Shiwani, by then was under the custody of her uncle and she had all but given up on wedding bells after being scorched once.

“I wasn’t happy with my first marriage, but when I saw Nilesh, I felt that he was the right man to marry me,” she says.
They met in February 2004 and they wed six days later, just a day after Valentine.

“It was a colourful ceremony. There was plenty of food, music, ushers and our people’s blessings. The weirdest thing though was that Nilesh forgot to give me a necklace, hence defied a very important cultural aspect in a Hindu wedding. But he gave it to me after the wedding,” she says with a chuckle.

However, after the wedding, and now in Tanzania people’s interference was a hindrance.
“Everyone kept telling me Nilesh would break my heart but I refused to listen to them. And as days went by, I only found myself happier and always wishing to be next to my husband.

I miss him every time he is not with me,” she says.
The two confess that, no matter how rosy a relationship may be, arguments and disagreements are likely to surface.
“Whenever we have a disagreement, she doesn’t own up to her mistakes, but reconciles in the long run,” says Nilesh, who operates a town based stationary with his wife.

“It is fun working with her since we trust each other with our finances. It is also exciting since we tease each other and laugh,” Nilesh says.

For Shiwani, working with her husband has boosted her trust and satisfied her emotionally.
“We are able to steal kisses now and then and I am assured of his movements,” she says.
They now have one child together.

“They are all our children and we love them more than our lives,” Nilesh says.
The two seem to be completely compatible in everything including their liking to staying indoors over weekends.
“We are both introverts. We prefer staying in and playing with our children than being at social gatherings,” Shiwani says.

But for Nilesh, what keeps him glued is his stomach.
“My wife is an excellent cook. Her cooking makes me fall in love with her every minute,” he says.
They plan to do something on lovers day. “We plan to go out for an exotic dinner by the beach,” Nilesh says.
They both say that the ingredient to a happy marriage is;  “Learning to understand and take each other’s flaws.”

Selemani Ally, 29 and Sophia Tungaraza, 25
The couple that is slotted to wed this month met at the University of Dar es Salaam in 2008 where they were both student leaders. Selemani was in his third year and Sophia in her first year.

Selemani who works as a consultant engineer was the academic minister and Sophia a teacher by profession was an environment and health minister at campus.

“I was fascinated by his intelligence. He was the smartest guy among the top crop. He was so analytical and critical. His brilliance made me fall in love with him because he had the qualities that I was craving for,” Sophia says.

But being together wasn’t easy since Sophia was playing hard to get saying that she wasn’t ready for a relationship.
Sophia was worried that Selemani would be interested only in a fling since he was about to finish his studies and they might not meet again.

It was through normal conversations that the two got to understand each other and eventually become lovers.
“At first, I saw her as a colleague but things changed as we met more often in meetings. Sophia is gorgeous and she is a woman with brains. I like that,” Selemani says.

Last year Selemani thought that was the right time for him to marry. Sophia was his best pick.
“We all loved politics. And I was searching for a woman who would not get bored seeing me as a politician someday,” Selemani says.

He proposed when she graduated with a bachelor degree in Education.
“ I said a big yes. There was no reason not to marry him,” Sophia says.
However, hurdles between the relationship came by. Religion was one. Selemani is a Muslim and Sophia is a Christian and their parents were jittery about that.

However, the two made their point known that love is all that mattered.
“Parents are right to show their concern and I do not blame them, but I am sure of what I want and what I am doing. I am happy with her,” Selemani smiles.

The lovebirds do quarrel but they resolve their problems without involving any outsider.
“ When one of us gets mad, one tries to put the ego aside and try to work things out. We talk it over and we do not keep grudges,” Sophia says.

The couple says that patience is the secret towards a lasting relationship. “No one is perfect ;It is just a matter of persevering the hard times while making good times last,” she says.  Currently they have a tight schedule planning the wedding and sending invitation cards.

“Though finances seem to be a problem we are planning for a nice memorable wedding,” Selemani says.

The two have big plans for their future. They both want to further their education and set up a consulting firm. “ Years to come I want to be working with my wife in our own company,” Selemani says.
Valentine day for them is just like any other ordinary day.

“Everyday is our valentine, since I see my wife getting more appealing and closer to me” Selemani says.
This valentine they are planning to go out for a traditional live band concert. “We are the kind who like hanging out at parties and concerts. We will go out to relax,” Sophia says.

Omari Mohamed Mdimi, 28, and Nicolle Star Mdimi, 32
Fate had a part to play when in 2008 a white woman from San Francisco, US met with an African man at Bagamoyo, Tanzania.  Little did they know that in less than three years they would be married. Today is the couple’s wedding anniversary.   
“I was seated outside my curio shop, when this young white woman requested that I accompany her to the market to buy a cell phone,” says Omary who owns an art shop and Hostel in Bagamoyo. 

As a helpful local Omary took her to the shop and soon after they became good friends.
“We didn’t have a romantic relationship for a year. Ommy took care of me more than any man had ever done. I was in the hospital twice for Malaria and I was blessed to have him by my side,” says Nicolle a hospital worker at San Francisco who was then a volunteer.

By then Nicolle had moved out of a hostel she was staying in and had rented a house in which she invited Omary to share. “We lived in separate rooms,” confirms Omary.

What they didn’t know is that love was slowly blossoming.
“I started having feelings for her and missed her intensely when she was off to Uganda for three months. I lacked the courage, though to come clean,” says the curios trader.

“I was going back to the States and I couldn’t handle it. I cried all the way back home because I missed him already. I realised that this was the man I was in love with and wanted to marry,” says Nicolle who says that Omary’s honesty, strength, smile, his determination to succeed and his adoration for her tipped the scales in his favour. 

Unable to hold any longer, in September 2009, she made the trip to Tanzania, and on 12th February they two were joined in a civil union at Bagamoyo.
“Our families were excited. My family thought it was good luck for me,” says Omary, a secondary school drop-out while diverging that they honeymooned in Zanzibar.

“The proposal was so cute, he was washing clothes and I was playing with the neighbourhood kids at our “ghetto” in Bagamoyo. He went down on one knee (I had told him this is how men in America propose), and gave me a long speech in Swahili about how much he loved me,” recalls Nicolle, who understands Kiswahili after a course in Zanzibar.

“The most notable thing about the wedding day was waking up at 6am to get the Maasai to slaughter two live goats which would never happen in my country. Plus I had to say my vows in Swahili,” says Nicolle.  Their marriage they say has been fruitful and they keep the conversation flowing by talking everyday.

“Whenever we have any argument, it takes less than two hours to resolve,” says Omary.
“We are friends first. It really helps. The key is patience and listening to each other’s need,” says Nicolle.     But running an interracial relationship has its demerits.

“People judge him as a “rich” man now and treat him differently which is hard. Plus when you are walking in the streets people stare at us and sometimes do not believe I am his wife.
In the village people ask for money.  Plus I hear whispers that he just married me because I am a Mzungu and for money. I am actually “poor” by US standards which infuriates us,” Nicolle, who says that in their union they both wear the ‘pants.’   For now Nicolle is back to the US, but plans to return to the country ones they save enough money.

“I miss her and I am in the process of getting a visa so that I can visit her in March,” he says. “Our plan is for him to join me in the US and go back to school and maybe in five years time go back to Tanzania and start a business,” Nicolle says while adding that they plan to have two children and are already building a family home at Bagomoyo.